blue in august by Carl Kavadlo

blue in august
by Carl Kavadlo

i’m going
to die in august.
blue in august.
no snow in august.
no tito puente
playing salsa
in the satin
lounge in queens
in august
with silver-white hair
laughing.
no cheer in august.
dead air in august.
despair in august.

august smells of snow tires
and no fresh snow.

august is hot, sweaty
humid, stinking
horrid.

no joy in august.
i will die in august in a
target parking lot
deadened
from aisles of empty possessions
dying and dying from echoes of
tv laughter and memories
and memories all hollow
as a large empty loose vase.

i will die in august in the
sands of despair
in the beaches of nowhere.

witches on brooms
will be the angels of mercy
who watch over me as i
pass from world to world.

i will pass to hell in august
or else
be bored in an
empty endless life in august.

august sleeplessness
august ugliness
august dread
august breathlessness
august clogging
my quietude with blasts of
rock shattering noise--
emptiness.
people who don’t
understand people who
never listen
people who never speak a word
worth hearing

surrounding me all my life
in august.

i scream in august
as the falcon circles the
sun and the sirens
scream
the chairs topple
empty rooms multiply

sands scratch
my nose
color my taste buds

the dark devil
eats me
swallows me at 2 a.m.
that’s the worst.

i wait for the sun to
break and break my heart.

the day’s no escape.

every day feels like
a hall of empty long mirrors.
suffocating in smoke,
i am i am.

do you get the impression
that i hate my life
and hate this month?

some days are 40% better
than others, the majority
of which are a whole
wholesome round fat zero.

we’re below the level
we should

from this night of nights
this room of no escape
as the tigers claw and
their eyes say
dangerous things.

Author bio:

Carl Kavadlo began writing poetry and short stories in 1993. Before that, he worked as a cab driver, fruit-picker, college lecturer, high school equivalency teacher and barroom musician. Some of his short stories have appeared in the Long Island University Muse. His poems have appeared in Erato, Stained Sheets, Rogue Scholars and the Brownstone Poets Anthology. He will next appear in the fall issue of Mobius. He has performed as a feature at Brooklyn and Manhattan venues.