Monday, April 15, 2013

Finally, an Intelligent Story About Sex! by Jon Wesick (Satire)

Albert Einstein rung Marie Curie’s doorbell. She answered wearing a see-through nightgown that barely concealed her black bustier and thong.

“I hope I’m not troubling you,” Einstein said, “but I wonder if I could borrow a pencil. You see, my pen ran out of ink.”

“No trouble at all.” Marie Curie shook her shoulder-length hair. “I was only measuring the half life of radium. Why don’t you,” she looked at Einstein’s groin, “come inside?”

Einstein followed her into the living room and sat on the couch.

“Care for a beer?” Marie Curie retrieved the remains of a six pack from the refrigerator and sauntered into the living room with the cans dangling from the plastic hanging from her finger.

Einstein guzzled one, crushed the aluminum can, and dropped it on the rug. Marie Curie sat next to him.

“It’s so hot.” She let the nightgown slip off her shoulders. “So why do you have such a throbbing need for a pencil?”

“I’m working on a grand unified theory of physical forces. I just added the nuclear interaction to the Kaluza Klein theory and was about to do a thought experiment about the foundations of quantum mechanics when my pen ran out of ink.”

“I bet you have a big pen. Don’t you?” Marie Curie licked her lips and reached for Einstein’s zipper. “Is it six inches? Eight inches? Ten?”

“Actually, I prefer the metric system.” Einstein shimmied out of his pants.

Just then a woman wearing nothing but an ankle bracelet and high heels stepped out of the bathroom. She was blonde and full figured with surgically enhanced breasts that contained more silicon than an Intel factory.

“Who’s that?” Einstein’s gaze lingered on the newcomer’s shaved pubis.

“Oh, that’s Jane Austen. She comes over to use the shower?” Marie Curie looked up from Einstein’s lap. “Is everything okay, Jane?”

“The fall air dries out my skin.” Jane Austen lifted her breasts as if holding a pair of zeppelins. “How about putting some lotion on these?”

“Great idea!” Marie Curie squealed and slipped out of her bustier and thong. “Then you can rub some on me too…”

Author bio:

Host of the Gelato Poetry Series, instigator of the San Diego Poetry Un-Slam, and an editor of the San Diego Poetry Annual, Jon Wesick has published more than sixty short stories in journals such as Clockwise Cat, The Berkeley Fiction Review, Space and Time, Zahir, Tales of the Talisman, Blazing Adventures, and Metal Scratches. He has also published over two hundred fifty poems. Jon has a Ph.D. in physics and is a longtime student of Buddhism and the martial arts. One of his poems won second place in the 2007 African American Writers and Artists contest.

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