Three poems by R.S. Dunn

Three poems
by R.S. Dunn


someone stole my wallet

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet stole
my credit cards and cash was
in my wallet stole my wallet stole
my credit cards and cash and in
my wallet in my wallet stole my
credit cash and cards were in
my wallet in my wallet

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet stole
my driver’s license and registration
in my wallet in my wallet stole my
driver’s registration and my
license in my wallet in my wallet
stole my wallet and a picture of my kids

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet stole
my membership in the purchase club
in my wallet in my wallet stole
my purchase in my membership in
my wallet in my wallet stole my
wallet stole my kids and a
picture of my credit cards

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet stole
my cash and credit kids was
in my wallet in my wallet and
they stole my lucky condom
which had great sentimental value
in my wallet in my wallet and
I wish they’d bring it back

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet and
it had all my identification
in my wallet in my wallet
and I talked to a policeman
stole my wallet stole my wallet
and I spoke to Motor Vehicles
and they didn’t want to know

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet and I
spoke to eight hundred 800 numbers
from my wallet from my wallet and
I stopped every last credit card
which were stolen with my wallet
and I stopped every ATM card
likewise the picture of my kids

someone stole my wallet stole
my wallet stole my wallet and
I know I’ll never see my
lovely wallet ever again
and I miss it like a lover like
a lover likes my wallet and
if I truly love it you think
it will find its own way home?

----------------------

O Suede Mystery of Lifeboats

Haven’t the foggiest idea how Consuela
Managed to pur-suede me to acquire a
Taste for Suede-ish meatballs culled
And rolled from a suede-back Guernsey
(Sporting a spine curvature like the
Cables of the Williamsburg Bridge).
I used to milk Madame La Guernsey
While listening to Swing and Suede
With Sammy Kaye (down the cowpat arcade),
Singing along with Suede Down Upon the
Swanee River and Suede ‘Til the Sun Shines,
Nellie. On the other hand, I do know how
Consuela suede my thinking into agreeing to
Swap the kids’ suede-ing pool for a
Hot tub--got the idea from our last cruise ...
Was it the Purser or his Suede-de-Camp?
What! Are we still in port? We should have
Suede anchor an hour ago. Have the
Steward bring another round around ...
You’re buying, right?

====================

Halfway Home

I am halfway home
Halfway home to my halfway house
Riding on a half-fare ticket
I am making halfway decent progress
Half a league
Half a league
Half a league onward
I am halfway through
Half of my lunch hour
I settled for half a loaf
Half a loaf is better than gum
My glass is half full
Half of the half full half is half Scotch
The other half of this half of the half full half
Is half soda
The rest is a chaser of Half & Half
I am halfway home
I am making halfway decent progress
I swallow half a mouthful
Of my half of a half of Half & Half
Half a league onward
I meet a half-dead derelict
He is halfway to Hell
He could be halfway to Heaven
Given half a chance
He half-looks like my half-brother
He is half-dressed
His half-shot trousers
Flutter at half-mast
He says his name is Jimmy Haffa
I only half-believe him
As I am only paying half-attention
I offer him half my sandwich
He declines half-heartedly
It is a classic case of the Halves
And the Half-Nots
He clamps a Half Nelson on me
Talk about going off half-cocked
We compromise on half a dollar
It is half my paycheck
I am halfway home
I unwrap half a halvah
Half-choking on crumbs
Half a league
Half a league
Half a league onward
I am halfway home
Drifting half-asleep
I start humming half a hora
Just the half notes
I begin to wonder
What will I tell my better half
Back at the halfway house
If I were half a man
I would not be half so worried

Author bio:

R.S. Dunn is the editor of the poetry journal, Asbestos; former Editor of Medicinal Purposes Literary Review, the erstwhile host of the Poet to Poet cable television show, and has appeared in such publications as Krax, Imago, Mobius, Art Times; Rattapallax, Nomad’s Choir, Critical Perspectives in Accounting (go figure), and Pegasus. His full-length collections of poetry include Zen Yentas in Bondage; Playing in Traffic; Horse Latitudes and Baffled in Baloneyville. Additionally, a CD: Sickly Minutes.