Thursday, December 13, 2007

Five themed poems by Misti-Rainwater Lites

Five Poems
by Misti Rainwater-Lites

God Blistered

my four year old ass with a leather western belt

emblazoned with “Freddie” in stark black letters

as I sobbed for Mommy

God screamed, “I told you to finish working that

Bugs Bunny puzzle, bitch!”

God locked me in a dark closet for kissing

my first cousin with my tongue.

God made me walk to school in pee stained overalls.

God took away my pencil and paper

and laughed at me when I got an “F.”

God was the white gumball I got for a penny.

I wanted red.

Still…I chewed until the sugar was all gone.

It took about three minutes.

Then I spit my wad of God

on the asphalt and got his sticky

on the bottom

of my shoes.


My God is a Naked Ken Doll

missing his left arm

sporting a black sharpie scorpio symbol tattoo

across his smooth plastic chest

he stands in front of a brady bunch lunchbox

on my pink storage tub altar

this is my daily prayer:

Oh. God. Here. We. Go. Again.

Get me through this day.

Keep the drunk cars away.

Pour salt in the wound

that is my mind.

Dip your french fries in it.

Send me a miracle.

A burger done right

and a vanilla dr. pepper

to wash it down.


E-Mail To God

Hola, chico grande.

How the hell are ya?

It’s that time of the year

when I send you my wish list

and thank you profusely

for sending me your only begotten son

so that I don’t have to rot in hell.

Thank you, mi padre bueno,

for the gift of Jesus

bloody and taunted

on the cross.

Because of that…

Easter eggs for me each year

filled with jellybeans and dollar bills.

A husband who looks like Jack Tripper.

Five fat cherubim I can call my own.

An Escalade stocked with Baby Einstein dvds

and root beer.

I have been blessed.

Now all I need to be complete is a pair of sapphire earrings

a week in Fiji

a gift card to Macy’s

a gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond

a personal assistant to hold an umbrella over my head

when it rains

and run my errands

while I’m getting massages.

Thanks in advance.

I’m sending you my newest slideshow

to express my love

in a visually appealing way.


God Didn’t Answer

screaming eyeballs

No! More! Tears!

screaming belly

No! More! Meatloaf! Communion!

screaming asshole

No! More! Entry Level Job! Rape!

I guess he was filing his nails

smacking his Hubba Bubba

listening to Bon Jovi’s Greatest Hits

I guess

he thought

I was



This Little God of Mine

snoring like a well-fed baby

rigged like a carnival midway game

laughing like sitcom audiences in a can

shining like Miss America’s face

soggy like a Mexican

tiptoeing into Texas

Author bio:

Misti Rainwater-Lites has an Elvis clock in her kitchen. She is allergic to cats. Find out everything you ever wanted to know about Misti at Ebullience Press.

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