Friday, November 15, 2013

Do the Government Shutdown TWERK! (Satire) by Alison Ross

The Government Shutdown was cool because:
a) A bunch of poor people, such as those receiving housing vouchers and food for their babies, did not receive their public financial assistance - and we HATE poor people, even though we ourselves could be poor!
b) A bunch of non-higher-up government workers were furloughed, and we HATE government workers, even though we use government services EVERYDAY!
c) A bunch of government officials not only continued to receive their paychecks, but they actually DENIGRATED those poor people who did not receive their assistance - and once again, just as a reminder, we HATE poor people!
d) The poor got poorer and the wealthy stayed wealthy - and we love the wealthy because they take OUR tax dollars to get richer and yet love to insult the poor who also use tax dollars!
The Government Shutdown was awesome because:
a) National Parks were closed for NO REASON - and we LOVE irrational situations!
b) Only bears were allowed in National Parks - and they will starve because whose garbage are they gonna feast on?
c) Natural beauty SUCKS and hiking for exercise is DUMB
d) Trees are evil and are plotting to fall on our heads
e) Creeks are even more evil and are plotting to drown us
e) All of the above
The Government Shutdown was a time to celebrate because:
a) It caused much misery among poor people and threatened to cause misery among middle class people
b) Babies might have died!
c) Some babies probably DID die!
d) Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
e) All of the above, PLUS: Government is for LOSERS.
a) Are asswipes
b) Are not fit to wipe my ass
c) Are not fit to wipe their own asses
d) Are not fit to have asses to wipe
e) All of the above
a) Lick the asses of Republicans
b) All of the above

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