Thursday, May 27, 2010

Welcome to McToxic! Would You Like Dye With That? (Satire) by Alison Ross

Welcome to McToxic! Would You Like Dye With That?
by Alison Ross

Since trans fat, high fructose corn syrup other toxic chemicals are deemed okay for our children to ingest, why not just have them ingest household cleaning and other domestic products? It’s cheaper, because you already buy those products and you wouldn’t have to buy food on top of that! So it’s win-win – the kids still eat, and you save money.

Here is my proposed McToxic Menu:

Breakfast – One glass of Drano, a cake of roach killer, two strips of masking tape, scrambled rubber bands.

Lunch – One glass of paint thinner, a sandwich consisting of aluminum foil in between two pieces of plastic sandwich bags, and lead paint chips.

Dinner – One glass of bleach, a medley of crayons, a slab of molding clay. Dessert: A caulk brownie.

Snack - Sawdust with a glass of Windex.

I think we should just forego any pretense of nutritional ethics and focus on poisoning our children to the extremes. That way, they will die before they hit five and we won’t have to worry about enduring the titanic tasks of educating them about healthy eating in a trash-food filled world and urging the FDA to enact stricter food standards. It’s high time that the company who makes Drano get into the food business anyway, and they wouldn’t need to alter their product. I mean, if we allow kids to ingest copious amounts of high fructose corn syrup, why not just let them ingest hydrochlorous acid?

I really don’t see the big deal.

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