Three poems by Reynard Seifert

Three poems
by Reynard Seifert

ABOUT ME

I’m afraid of the people who cut my lawn. I have a stack of magazines on my toilette-top that no one will read. I am twenty-three years obsolete. I have a patch beard when I try to grow one. I’m not Jesus, not even close. I’m a child, a loser, a menace, an enigma wrapped in a leopard-print coonskin pillbox coat wrapped in an enigma. I feed idiocyncratic birds in my backyard. I hate squirrels. They only love themselves. They are selfish beings. Their selfish nature reflects my own and it makes me sad. So I hate them. Sometimes my shit smells good – I know that’s weird, but really, it’s sweet like bread that’s been left to mold – usually it just smells like shit though.

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GENE SIMMONS
(excerpt from ZZZOMBIEZZZ)

it was misting outside and they had been naked all day, lying about, touching each other inside and outside the skin, and talking about koala bears. while she slept he swapped her bones for his so they could walk around together knowing what it felt like to breathe under that much flesh. he tickled her heart with his gene simmons tongue and panted something about punk rock. she told him there was no one, no one she’d rather be with right now than gene simmons. he cried.

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MARILYN MANSON
(excerpt from ZZZOMBIEZZZ)

igor and stravinsky rented an air balloon from a neo-nazi investment banker. they sailed up, up and away into the night sky and drank champagne beneath the moonlight. they smiled and winked a lot and talked of all the silly people who paid for their air balloon rental, their champagne, their viet-cong flags and their black velvet portraits of marilyn manson crafted with love by a really happy and totally self-actualized boston cab driver who didn’t like the red sox – not one bit.

Author bio:

Reynard Seifert is the author of the chapbook How To Skin The Moon and the ebook zzzombiezzz. He’s been published by journals like Pindeldyboz and Hobart, with more forthcoming on PANK, Everyday Genius, Word Riot, and LIES/ISLE. He is a DJ on Viva Radio, publishes hahaclever dot com, and gives away music for books on his writer’s blog.