'Hey, Paris Schmilton' by David Mcmullan

'Hey, Paris Schmilton!'
by David Mcmullan

Hey Paris Schmilton
will ya sign me slip, me rag?
Paris Schmilton,
it was me wot smoked all yer Malboros
and who powdered me nose
in yer favourite LA hangout,
dug out
the night scene,
wiv paparazzi pap,
go 'pop pop' (like a weasel!).

Paris Schmilton,
whatchu looking at, huh?
Dis and dat, huh?
Chuh?
Chawu?
Whatchu done?

Me, I writ a book
and snooked my bloop,
and glut me poot!

Paris Schmilton,
gimme my ghost back!
I hate dog in a handbag,
prefer gob in a rim rag!
and to wipe me ass on!

Ass?!
I say arse, coz I’m a Brit!
But Paris Schmilton I nicked your tit!
I pinched yer teat!
I punched your beat!

Baris Pilchard, I dwank too much!
Got pissed and flipped your flop
in Bin Ladan’s turban plop!
Paris Schmilton juss gimme your John Hancock!

Ah, forget it, Schmilton Paris,
coz
there goes
Axl
Rose!

Author bio:

David Mcmullan is a newish writer of thirty from Bedfordshire, England. He writes twisted, dark, stupid and surreal flash fiction and poetry influenced by American writers: Kerouac, HST, Bukowski, Henry Miller, Ginsberg, and Burroughs. His work has appeared in Ambit, Monkey Kettle, Clockwise Cat, Mud Luscious, This Zine Will Change Your Life, and a poetry anthology called Angel's Breath.