Three poems by Thomas L. Vaultonburg

Three poems by
Thomas L. Valtonburg

Same Shit, Different Day

On Anderson Cooper
360 last night
Dr. Gupta recommended
A regular inspection
Of stool samples to
Ensure proper digestion
And absorption of
Objects intended for
Nourishment.

Later that evening
I read in Wolfram
Van Punkblausen's tome
Might and Magic if
IWrote the names of
My enemies on paper,
Smeared them in shit
And blood, then
Swallowed it,
I'dAbsorb their souls...
So I did.

Next evening at work
When Mean Eyed Joe
Invoked the
Bumper sticker classic
"Same shit different day"
For once we were on
Equal intellectual footing.

"You got that right, man,"
I laughed,
Feeling more regular
Already.

====================

Mothers Day With the Lord

Most people like to slip
And slide around
On the fringes of
Damnation: wife
Swappers and tax cheats
(Third maybe fourthCirclers at best)
But I want to see
The entire fuckin floorshow
Up close
So I invite
Jesus out
On Mother's Day
Run up a huge tab
On lap dances
And import beers
Stick Him with the
Whole tab
Which I know will piss
Him off
Because he ain't workin
Right now.


++++++++++++++++++++

Perfect Citizenship Award

my grandparents
never daredinterfere
withthe lifelong civics
lesson that
flowed from
classrooms,radios,
factories,slaughterhouses,
encyclopedia salesmen,
faucets and
Hee Haw
so when they
had the decency
to die weeks
before retirement
the government
sent a
Perfect Citizenship Award
and a check
not big enough
to box up the remains.

Author bio:

Thomas L. Vaultonburg is a Chicago Cubs fan and enjoys Tab Cola.